Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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