I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
