If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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