Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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