Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
