Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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