Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
