we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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