just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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