You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
