The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
