Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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