Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
