You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
