What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
