Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
