After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
