Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
