the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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