my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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