Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
