I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
