Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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