I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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