watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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