its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
