if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
