never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
