I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
