I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
