I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm sobbing to NWA
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
