It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
