last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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