Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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