so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i need some magic done to my vagina
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
