how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
