I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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