Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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