Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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