It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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