but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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