First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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