So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
