If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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