you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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