Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
