well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
