Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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