She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
