Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your penis caused this!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
