she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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